


I Will Be Your Rock (If You Let Me)

by ignitethestars



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (sort of??) - Freeform, Coda Fic-s02e04, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9484964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitethestars/pseuds/ignitethestars
Summary: [Spoilers!]Coda Fic for s02e04: Alec deals with the aftermath of Jocelyn's death and it leads him to the apartment or the High Warlock of Brooklyn...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Major spoilers follow. Also a lot of references to character death and mind control, so if that isn't your thing, turn away now!

Even though he could not remember the events that had transpired, the footage on the security feed was burned into his brain far clearer than any memory.

 

Since it happened, the members of the Institute had made their want of distance between themselves and Alec clear, rather it be by looks of distrust or the sudden quiet of a room as he stepped in.

 

The worst, of course, was having to see Clary every day. She would barely meet his eye or utter a word to him and would scurry off on the pretenses of having something else to do.

 

One afternoon, Isabelle had cornered him in the gym, where he was brutally attacking the punching bag.

 

“She doesn't hate you, Alec.” Isabelle had said in her usual blunt but gentle tone. “She knows that you weren't in control of our actions.” 

 

Isabelle averted her gaze from him. “None of us were.”

 

Alec sighed and leaned his head against the leather of the punching bag. He wondered if Isabelle even remembered anything she had told him while she was being possessed. Alec had, on some level, always disapproved of his parents favoritism. He saw the way Isabelle deflated around their mother and he hated it.

 

But he had no idea that, deep down, she resented him for it. He really should have expected it...he would have felt the same way too.

 

It seemed that everyone had a reason to resent him and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

 

“I don't see how she doesn't hate me, Iz. I killed her mother. The same woman that Clary spent weeks trying to find. And just as she got her back...I killed her.”

 

“ _ You _ didn't. The demon did.” Isabelle reminded him firmly, taking a step forward. “Everyone just needs time.”

 

Alec looked away because he couldn't handle the hopefulness in his sister’s eyes. Because he  _ couldn't  _ believe that things would get better. How would they?

 

Because he hadn’t just killed Clary’s mom, he had also killed the biological mother of his own brother. And that made the guilt, if possible, even worse.

* * *

 

_ He stalked toward her gracefully. His heart beat hammered in his ears and all he could think of was all the times he had been wronged.  _

 

_ Of how his family had  _ lied _ to him, of all the responsibility that had been placed upon his shoulders. How he had lost his brother, his partner, to a goddamn  _ mundane…

 

_ And then after the deed had been done, he had left the hallway and fallen to the floor. His hand was covered in blood, so much blood that it came up toward, but not quite reaching, his elbow. He couldn't even see his milky white palm anymore, just scarlet… _

 

_ And then Clary came with her eyes wide in concern. For him. But then fear had crossed over her face when he tried to get her to understand. He didn't know...he couldn't remember what had happened… _

 

_ Like in a trance, she stepped into the room and promptly sank down to the floor, looking broken. Alec’s brotherly instincts kicked in, wanting to comfort her on some level, but at the same time his morbid curiosity kicked in and he entered the room. _

 

_ But he already knew what had happened. Knew there was only one thing that could evoke such a response from Clary. _

 

_ And when he had saw, he was almost sick.  _

* * *

 

Magnus was no stranger to late nights filled with music and alcohol. He thrived off nights like those, but he hadn’t had the chance for one in ages.

 

And so what if the wooden floors of his apartment were no match for the floors at Pandemonium? So what if he was the only one at the apartment? A party was a party, no matter how many guests were or were not present.

 

But on his second glass of brandy, there was a knock on a door. A familiar one. Magnus’s lips pulled up into a smile and he sauntered to the door. Mostly for show, he could have just waved a hand and magicked the door open from his favorite armchair.

 

But when Magnus swung the door open, his smile fell away and worry began to tear at his insides like a bad plate of escargot.

 

Alec was standing at the edge of the doorway, his hair tousled like he had just crawled out of bed and he was still in pajamas.

 

But what was more concerning was the dark circles under his eyes and the blank expression he wore on his face.

 

Before Magnus could even utter a word, Alec said in a dead voice: “I killed her, Magnus.”

 

Magnus pulled Alec inside and led him to the couch. Magnus waved a hand and the front door slammed shut behind them. 

 

Alec jammed his fingers into his inky black hair and clutched at his temples in an overdramatic way. If it weren't for the circumstances--or the fact that Magnus was still reeling from the bombshell Alec had just dropped or the horror he felt that he didn't  _ know _ who Alec was talking about--Magnus might have taken some amusement at his boyfriend’s flair for theatrics. 

 

Alec lowered his head and dropped his hands, which were shaking, down to his lap. He didn't respond when Magnus said his name, didn't even make some gesture to explain that he had heard Magnus at all.

 

Feeling his panic mounting, Magnus took a calming breath. If he lost his cool, he would be of no use to Alexander.

 

Magnus hadn’t heard from the Institute in two days, which he had thought was peculiar but given his current fury at Aldertree, he hadn’t made an effort in contacting them either. He knew that if he was needed, Alec would call him.

 

Magnus knelt in front of Alec, trying to get a glimpse at Alec’s face. He started when he realized the young Shadowhunter’s face was stained with tears.

 

Magnus reached forward hesitantly to take Alec’s hand. When Alec didn't protest, Magnus grasped the boy’s hand with both of his jewelry clad ones.

 

“What happened?” Magnus asked, failing to keep his voice as even as he would like.

 

Alec looked up to meet Magnus’s gaze. Then, in a monotonous voice, he said, “Jocelyn Fairchild…I killed her.”

 

Magnus took a sharp intake of breath, immediately thinking back to the last time he had seen Jocelyn.  Regret knifed through his chest as he thought of what he had said to her--although it had all been true.

 

“There was a demon,” Alec said, bringing Magnus back to earth. “Valentine sent it to the Institute to distract us from an attack on the City of Bones...it possessed me and...I killed her. I killed her with my bare hand, Magnus.”

 

Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand in a silent encouragement to continue. Alec took a shaky breath and looked down at the hand Magnus was holding.

 

“The blood took forever to come off.” He said weakly, his eyebrows drawn together. 

 

Rage roared in Magnus’s veins. He wanted to find that demon and obliterate it for the misery it caused. For making Clary, sweet Clary, lose her mother. For making Alec be the catalyst. 

 

“This is not your fault.” Magnus said fiercely. “There are two people the blame should fall to and neither of them are you, Alexander. Valentine and that demon are the ones who should be held accountable for, not you. Never you.”

 

“Clary won't even look at me...I never thought her opinion of me would matter.” Alec said humorlessly.

 

“Clary knows that you are guiltless, Alec. Deep down she knows, but right now all she knows is grief and anger and she is channeling that at the one person she can.”

 

“Like I did when Jace was missing,” Alec muttered. “Should’ve known that would come and bite me in the ass one day.”

 

Magnus nearly smiled; Alec’s dry wit was slowly returning, which hopefully meant he was taking Magnus’s words to heart. But he still had more to say.

 

“You are going to blame yourself for a long time, Alexander. Possibly for the rest of your existence. That guilt can eat you away or drive you mad if you’re not careful.” Magnus said honestly. “There will come a time when you feel as if there is no way out of that guilt. And when that time comes, you will need a rock.”

 

“A rock?” Alec repeated.

 

“Someone who is there for you, always.” Magnus explained. “Just know that no matter what, if you’ll let me, I will be your rock when you need it. Starting now. “

 

“I could get use to that...but it has to go both ways. “ Alec replied seriously. “You be my rock, I will be yours.”

 

A look of sadness flashed across Magnus’s face as he  remembered what Camille had said and she was right. No one could be Magnus’s rock forever.

 

But at the moment, forever did not matter. All that mattered was right now. Alec might not be forever, but nothing ever was. Not even Magnus was forever. 

 

“Deal.” Magnus said finally. “Now I would appreciate it if the next time you show up at my door in pajamas, it is for a more fun reason than this.”

 

His cheerfulness was false and Magnus found himself second guessing his timing on his humor when Alec didn't immediately respond. Then he managed a weak smile that sent Magnus’s heart into a somersault. 

 

“Maybe next time.” Alec replied.

 

Magnus returned it and felt a wave of relief wash over him when Alec’s face scrunched up and he asked, “What are you listening to?”

 

Magnus chuckled and stood, deciding now was the best time to introduce his boyfriend to the beauty that was Freddie Mercury and whiskey from Ireland.

 

Things were not alright now, but they would be. And they were going to get there together.


End file.
